I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
