i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
