I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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