Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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