A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
