You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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