he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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