So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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