I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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