Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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