I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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