The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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