Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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