There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
