How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
