idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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