I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
