I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
