We're like a lot better than the average bears
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
