Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
