Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
