I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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