yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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