Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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