My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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