I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
