so that wasnt chicken after all
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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