I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
