I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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