The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
