Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
