you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He kissed a someone with a penis
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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