woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
