Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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