So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
