I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
