Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
