Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
