Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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