never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
