Who wears a wallet chain?!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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