Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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