I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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