i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
