My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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