yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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