i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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