Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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