Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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