who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
