the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
