hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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