Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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