Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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