Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
