He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
