Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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