Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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